Blah, break is silly...

Eh, I'm no where as far as I wanted to be with my reading, but that's ok. I've only got four books read, which is kinda pitiful. I suppose I should be blogging about them, but really, who even cares? I'm bored....spring break is no fun when your stuck at home and the only break from the constant demands of my family is the computer. I love my family, but every day that I'm at home I feel my self esteem slipping lower into that void of self repulsion. It's taken me long enough to get out of that, and I don't really want to go back to that place. Really, its only my roomie who managed to help me see how much I'm actually worth. Not that other people haven't tried, but I guess she's just the only one I trust because she doesn't have to be nice to me, and I know her motivations are pure. She simply tells me the truth, which isn't always so flattering. Being at home now is ruining two plus years of my self esteem building, and it happens every time I go home for more than a day. Yes, this is why Sundays tend to be downer days for me, and anyone who talks to me (yes, this includes you dav) is bound to be subjected to my little bouts of self destructive behavior. The longer I'm home the worse I get. The little one (actually not so little, he's a preteen) is driving me insane too. I don't think he's shut his mouth since I've come home. Imagine-a constant steam of babble, incoherent, but as soon as you tell him to be quiet, he runs off and spouts some lie about you, which results in a tantrum from one parent or an angry tirade from the other. This is precisely why Friday I'm going to babysit the whole day after lunch. Watching three small children is infinitely better than being at home and catering to my family's whims. Still, I have some hope for my self esteem left. Today I'm getting my hair cut, which hopefully will turn out ok. Most importantly though, I have some control in this matter!