Thursday, March 08, 2007

Blah, break is silly...

Eh, I'm no where as far as I wanted to be with my reading, but that's ok. I've only got four books read, which is kinda pitiful. I suppose I should be blogging about them, but really, who even cares? I'm bored....spring break is no fun when your stuck at home and the only break from the constant demands of my family is the computer. I love my family, but every day that I'm at home I feel my self esteem slipping lower into that void of self repulsion. It's taken me long enough to get out of that, and I don't really want to go back to that place. Really, its only my roomie who managed to help me see how much I'm actually worth. Not that other people haven't tried, but I guess she's just the only one I trust because she doesn't have to be nice to me, and I know her motivations are pure. She simply tells me the truth, which isn't always so flattering. Being at home now is ruining two plus years of my self esteem building, and it happens every time I go home for more than a day. Yes, this is why Sundays tend to be downer days for me, and anyone who talks to me (yes, this includes you dav) is bound to be subjected to my little bouts of self destructive behavior. The longer I'm home the worse I get. The little one (actually not so little, he's a preteen) is driving me insane too. I don't think he's shut his mouth since I've come home. Imagine-a constant steam of babble, incoherent, but as soon as you tell him to be quiet, he runs off and spouts some lie about you, which results in a tantrum from one parent or an angry tirade from the other. This is precisely why Friday I'm going to babysit the whole day after lunch. Watching three small children is infinitely better than being at home and catering to my family's whims. Still, I have some hope for my self esteem left. Today I'm getting my hair cut, which hopefully will turn out ok. Most importantly though, I have some control in this matter!

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Spring break, yay?

Ah spring break, bastion of college days... I'd like to say I'll be lying out on a beach somewhere, but I'm stuck in this snowy land. Oh well, doesn't mean I won't be having fun, eh? In return for a lovely picture of my roommate sunning on the beach of some western shore, I'm supposed to take a bikini clad picture of myself, sunning in the snow. (That was the deal, wasn't it, Kat?) Somehow I think she gets the better end of the deal. Perhaps I'll post said pictures up here sometime, but I really don't think I'm going to want to.
Instead of all the the beach fun, I shall be reading the whole break, and doing other...stuff. I checked out stacks of books though, so I'll review them as I read them. First off is Coraline by Neil Gaimon. I love his American Gods and Anansi Boys, so I thought this should be good. Now Coraline doesn't exactly inspire the same philosophic thought but it does offer some interesting questions. For example, the cat remarks that playing with mice is actually merciful. At first, I don't think many people would agree, claiming that the cat is simply cruel, dangling slim chances of freedom and terrorizing their prey. Although this is true, there is also a truth to the mercy aspect. As the cat reminds us, sometimes in the game, the mice do get free. Isn't that terror worth it, if for suffering it, some small chance of freedom arises from an almost certain doom? I think so. The cat was definitely my favorite character, due both to his demeanor and my inability to relate to Coraline. This quote is also one of his: "Now, you people have names. That's because you don't know who you are. We know who we are, so we don't need names." I like that quote, because its so true. Names have such immense power over the individual, they are the ultimate label. They tell us what family we belong to, if someone is married, and usually the gender. Once someone knows your name, you can't pretend that they are calling some other "you." There's a certain freedom in anonymity, when no one but you know your name. But do really use name to tell ourselves who we are? We can, if we're other orientated. We can use are name to judge our self worth, by connecting our names to others. Maybe the cat is right, you only need a name if you don't know who you are. Still, I like my name, I need my name, and maybe that says something about me too. Finally,this scene towards the end of the novel make me pause. Coraline throws the cat at the other mother, using the resulting confusion to grab the final object and to escape, with the cat. It seemed so blatantly wrong of Coraline to use the cat in such a way, an animal who only so recently had helped her and who feared the witch so much. Perhaps though it wasn't so much a betrayal of the cat, as it was an confession of ultimate trust. Coraline trusted the cat would do what needed to be done, even with out telling it, that she risked the few precious moments she had and her ultimate chance to rescue everyone on the ability of the cat to react and distract the other mother. Maybe she simply had no other choice.

The next book I'm reading is Five Fates, by Keith Laumer, Poul Anderson, Frank Herbert, Gordon Dickson, and Harlen Ellison. I'm currently on the forth fate fate, and I must say each fate takes quite an interesting spin on the introductory scenario. Right now, I must say I like Hebert and Dickson's takes the best, with Anderson's in second place. I'm not sure that I really like the fourth fate all the much though, this being Ellison's. I'll do a better review once I read the last fate, but right now... this bit form the introductory piece piqued my interest. "Bailey's last thought as the endless blackness closed in was of the words cut in granite over the portal to the Euthanasia Center: '...send me your tire, your poor, your hopeless, yearning to be free . To them I raise the lamp besides the brazen door...' ." It stuck me as an infinitely twisted way to use the words so intertwined with the Statue of Liberty and all she stands for. In a very odd way though, they fit...